In Between Yes and No

In between the answers YES and NO we can find the place of NOT YET – but only if we are wise enough to look.   If you are like me, you typically think of YES and NO as absolute.  It either is or it’s not…there’s not a lot of wiggle room. But what if there were more wiggle room, more possibilities? What if, in between being told “yes” and “no” there is a place of preparation and self-management?  That’s the value of NOT YET.

Here’s how my eyes were opened to that lesson. I was working toward an important professional certification and thought I was prepared. Imagine my response when I was told I had failed an important part of the exam. I was blindsided! My first response was to run headlong into NO. NO – I wasn’t going to get the coveted prize. Theimages-2 realization took the wind out of my sails. I was angry, embarrassed and determined to believe the worst of the credentialing system. After all, it told me I was a failure. You see, I was taking up residency in the land of NO.

In the midst of my angst, I was fortunate to be surrounded by people who believed in me. They brought me into the energy of NOT YET. In fact, husband Paul had to come in and get me – yank me out of the energy of failure – out of NO – to bring me up and out to NOT YET.

When I made the move into NOT YET, it became clear that seeing the possibility of a positive outcome in the end doesn’t mean the path will be easy. In fact, the opposite is often more true. Getting from NO to YES takes courage, hard work and a willingness to accept how we are seen by others – not just how we see ourselves. When I mustered the courage to live in NOT YET, I discovered a sense of urgency and determination. It was a place of hard work and hope.

What’s the lesson here? I think it’s two-fold. The personal lesson is to look for NOT YET when I hear NO. We have to be wise enough to understand that some NOs are absolute – people die, positions are filled with someone else, seasons end. But if I look, I might find the NOT YET. Sometimes it is clearly in front of me; sometimes it’s on another playing field. The point is to look. Once possibility of NOT YET is discovered, it’s important to remember that the journey will probably be challenging. The land of NOT YET is aspirational – and it’s not for wimps.

The second lesson is a leadership lesson. When someone around you – or someone you are responsible for – gets a NO, help them find their NOT YET. You can help them see what is beyond, what is possible when they’ve just gotten a NO. When I was blind to possibilities, others gave me the gift of vision.

We are called on to deliver NO’s as leaders (coaches, parents, teachers). The lesson is to remember NOT YET. When we practice looking for the path to YES, we teach others to, as well.

YES is not always automatic. Sometimes it can take a lot of NO’s to get to YES. Looking for the NOT YET offers hope and the whole world of possibilities!

(*Enormous gratitude goes to friend, Dottie Cook, who expanded on these ideas during an inspirational sermon)

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